Starting Over

Diets suck. There is no getting around it. Or so I thought. I had an epiphany a few days ago that changed the whole way I look at my life, my body, and my diet. I was overwhelmingly negative. I wanted to change my body for the sole reason that I loathe the way I look and can't find any clothes to wear that I don't hate. I looked only at the big picture - I have yet to set a goal weight, but I had at a minimum of 150 lbs to lose to get to the healty weight range for my height.

I started Weight Watchers in January 2008. I had been heavy for years, but lack of excercise, depression and emotional eating balooned me to a whopping 298 lbs. Something had to give before my health did. Having started, it took me a year and three months to lose 17 lbs. I sunk into negativity again. It didn't help that my mom had managed to lose 35 lbs in that timeframe.

Then my friend Marci invited me over for the weekend. She or the rest of the girls had absolutely no idea how they would change my life that weekend - it took a few weeks for things to sink in. We got halfway through a movie that weekend, and I wanted to watch the end of it. It was as simple as that. But before I had a chance to pick up the movie, I spotted the first book in the series it was based on in the sales rack at Sam's Club. I read it straight through. And then I went back and bought the second one. I had been floundering for a year, and a simple chick lit novel was all it took to turn me inside out.

What was this novel? It was the first novel in The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants, by Ann Brashares. Love. Love for yourself, love for your friends. Rule number three: " You cannot say "I am fat" while wearing the pants. You can't even think it." And then at the bottom -
Pants = Love. Love your Pals, Love Yourself."

I had been going about things all wrong. I had been working from a standard of negativity and self hatred - when I should have been working this goal for myself because I loved myself. So this week, I decided to start over. And I bought myself my very own pair of pants. Actually, I bought two pair - one in my current size, one a size smaller that will hang in the closet for awhile. And when those come out, I will buy another pair - the next size down. On my original pair of "Fat Jeans", I will document my weight loss. One new embellishment for every 5 lbs. I won't think that this means a minimum of 30 of them. I will do them one at a time. I will do it because I love myself enough to become the best person I can be, and that means a healthy person.